I think sometimes what challenges we struggle with in life each have a purpose, and that we are taught certain lessons by our life for a specific reason. Maybe to lead us to something else down the road that is meant for us. Maybe to help somebody else by passing on the knowledge and wisdom we've gained from the experience.
Most recently, I've seemingly been very strategically placed by the universe in this one challenge in my life, and it won't budge... and I know its because I haven't quite lined something up yet... whether that is literal, or figurative, I don't know. I haven't learned something, the timing hasn't been right, or I'm sending out the wrong intention with my energy. Whatever the issue is, I have been struggling to find a job, and am now determined to just make this part of my life the time that I just figure. this. shit. out.
I know that I cannot go back to the 9-5 grind of a job that is unfulfilling, un-meaningful, is downright toxic or pointless, or even to just pay the bills. Something happens in me that I just can't stand; Not on an emotional, physical, mental, or spiritual level. I just fall apart if I force myself back in. My soul feels like its wriggling out of my body, so frustrated, ready to scream, like just get me the hell out there in the world! I'm so done hiding and forming to this cage of a mold that we've had to be to follow the path of the masses!
Okay, that sounded a little nut-so, and harsh. But I do feel like I'm crawling out of my skin with frustration by trying to fit back into a role that just doesn't fit me at all. I have to find something that does fit. It's like putting on a pair of skinny jeans that is a size too small, and itchy, and asking you to hang out all day in them. Oy vey. No thank you. I know there has to be a better pair of pants out there for me. I mean, why the hell would my legs exist as they are in this world if there wasn't also a pair of pants out there in this world that matches them? Lol, seriously though - what would be the point of my existence if there wasn't?
This is hard to explain, but I feel a presence, a knowing, a truth, so strongly, about certain pieces of my purpose, and the rest of the puzzle is such an illusive blur that it sometimes makes me crazy. So close, yet so far. So clear, yet so fuzzy.
I find it ironic, yet oddly fitting, that I've been struggling so much with figuring out my purpose lately. The reason I find it so, is because one of the "pieces" that I do know about my purpose, is that I'm supposed to help other people find theirs... I'm supposed to help other people "wake up" to what's meaningful and important to them, and have the courage and clarity to take action and start authentically and consciously living it.
We're all presented with it at some point in our lives. That darned question: What is my purpose?
The reason I think this question is so hard to answer because so many of us are disconnected from ourselves, and the only way to answer it is to get back in touch with ourselves. We aren't taught how to do that. We aren't taught that that is even a thing. That's why we look to others, we look to public figures, to books, to educators, anything, someone, a mentor, whatever: to help "tell" us what our purpose is, or how to figure it out.
I really wanted there to be a concrete formula. A finish-this-sentence, plug-in-these-factors, and boom: out comes your life purpose! - formula. But its not that simple. Or maybe its even more simple. Who the heck knows!!
All I know is that the answer ultimately has to come from you.
Because I know that this quest is part of my purpose, I am still going to pursue this question... Find a way to help people connect the dots, somehow. So if you're interested, stay tuned for a book, or a course, or a spiritual download of some sort (lol), that is a compilation of whatever the heck I learn over the coming months... or years.
Yours Truly,
The Life Purpose Calculation Formula Seeker